


Cold Bodies, Warm Hands

by DisasterBisexual



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Mild Angst, Multi, Slow Burn, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-21 05:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14909474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterBisexual/pseuds/DisasterBisexual
Summary: You don't know what to expect when your best friend invites you over to test out a soulmate-summoning spell, but you sure didn't plan on being cosmically bound to a rude, vulgar, red-eyed skeleton monster with a lack of discretion and no manners. Online dating is starting to look a lot better. Then, things start to go downhill when the spell turns into a curse, forcing you together at the worst possible times. You're absolutely miserable; who would want to be stuck with someone as horrible and mean-spirited as him? But there's something about his gruff exterior that doesn't quite add up, and part of you is dying to know more.Will you give up your one chance at true happiness with someone else, just to find out why the universe decided to make someone who seems to be the opposite of everything you find attractive, your soulmate?





	1. A Not-So Friendly Reminder

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I'm super excited to announce the release of Cold Bodies, Warm Hands! I had a couple ideas for a Red x Reader fic that I was able to string together this past week with encouragement from lots of folks on Tumblr. And I'm really sorry about this, but the reader uses she/her pronouns in this fic. If you want to read a Sans x Reader fic that's gender-neutral, please go take a look at my other fic Bad Habits!
> 
> The premise is essentially that Underfell Sans (aka Red), who looks and acts like a flirty badass with no shame, is secretly a huge dork underneath all those layers of self-defense mechanisms. (*Keep in mind that the way Red acts in the first chapter is due to his drinking, and also meant to be reflective of how he is typically portrayed in fanon.) In order to seduce the reader, Red's going to have to try a lot harder than a couple suave pick-up lines. He won't be able to win her heart that easily, and if he really wants to, he needs to step up to the challenge. 
> 
> I'll try to tag everything accordingly, but for now, I don't think I need to use any of the archive warnings. Expect some lighthearted giggles, a slightly painful backstory, skeleton shenanigans, and plenty of pun-induced groans.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get dragged into doing a spell to summon your soulmate along with your friend, and things go south when you meet a foul-mouthed monster at a bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to all the beta readers for this chapter! Without your guidance and advice, I never would've written this fic.  
> (Credits by Tumblr URL): 
> 
> DS - @parttimeslave
> 
> Ninja - @funbucketburt
> 
> Iloy - @-iloy-
> 
> Enfys - @the-argumentative-viper
> 
> Burgandy Rose - @burgandy-rose

“So… we’re conjuring fairies?” 

 

“They’re the _fair_ _folk_ , and if you really want this to work, you’ll address them as such,” snapped your best friend Talia, dabbing your forehead with a cloth that’s slightly wetter than you anticipated. 

 

Wincing, you fight the impulse to wipe your face while she’s busy mashing up rosemary and thyme for her ”magic potion.” 

 

“There,” she sat back on her heels, raising her chin in proud satisfaction, “now that I’ve anointed you with rosewater — ” 

 

“More like unceremoniously  _ splashed _ .” With a pointed glare, Talia continued. 

 

“ _ Anyways _ , now that I’ve anointed you with rosewater, the ritual can begin. Place your hand on one half of the sigil,” she commanded. 

 

Sighing, you reluctantly flattened your palm against the meticulously drawn lines on the paper in the center of the carpet, careful not to smudge them. She did the same, intertwining the tips of her fingers with your own. Her hand was slick with sweat and herbal juices and it was difficult not to recoil at her touch, but you sucked it up and held your ground. As she scrolled through her phone for the incantation she needed, you entertained yourself by mentally tracing the swirls of the sigil. Now that you were looking at it up close, you noticed the pattern in the center resembled a rose surrounded by several thorns jabbing inward. You weren’t too keen on doing this before, but seeing the sharp points angled towards the heart of the drawing added on another layer of doubt. Was this actually supposed to be a love spell? 

 

“You’re sure this is the real deal — I mean, safe?” 

 

Talia gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Yes, I’m sure. I checked, double checked, and triple checked ten different websites and two encyclopedias, including  _ A Witch’s Guide to Otherworldly Wonders _ , which everyone knows is always the best place to get spells with a high success rate.”

 

You raised an eyebrow skeptically. ‘Otherworldly wonders?’ That didn’t exactly sound promising. Then again, who were you to ruin her fun? It was kind of like being a kid again, playing pretend and believing in fairy tales. Besides, neither of you were monsters, which meant the chances of magic working was slim to none. There couldn’t be any harm in that, right? 

 

“And why did you need me for this again?”

 

Talia lowered her phone, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear to give you a judging look through her glasses, pushing them up the bridge of her nose. You knew that look--she was about to pay you back for every ounce of sass you’d badgered her with for the past few hours. And it almost made you regret scoffing at her suggestion, because despite not believing in magic, here you were. 

 

“Look, ______, I told you, the spell needs two people with two different soul colors to work. My soul is yellow and yours is orange. Anyone else I could ask either has the same soul color as me, or is busy tonight. You said you’d help me, are you seriously gonna back out of this now? And anyways, you don’t have to do anything except sit there and recite a couple words at the end. Were you even listening to me? Sometimes I think your poor communication skills and zoning out are the main reason you don’t have a boyfriend yet. Well, thanks to me, we’re gonna fix that.” 

 

Talia jutted out her hip, leaning into her elbow, which was propped up on her desk. She looked like she’d just walked off the set of a  _ Teen Vogue _ photoshoot, waiting impatiently for her agent, who was running late as usual. You didn’t really understand why she was into witchcraft when she could easily take up a sport or fine art and have all the popular boys drooling over her, but if your own experiences had taught you anything, it was not to judge a book by its cover. At least, not too much. 

 

Pursing her lips thoughtfully, Talia straightened her back and snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah! Remember, the spell takes effect within twenty-four hours after meeting your soulmate, and on top of that, you have an astronomically high chance of running into them for roughly a week after doing the spell.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s get this over with.” You pressed your hands to your cheeks. Yep, still wet. You tapped your foot impatiently as Talia dug around in her desk drawer, exclaiming triumphantly as she pulled out a spool of thick red thread. 

 

“Found it!” 

 

She checked her watch, and, knowing time was of the essence, you did the same. It was 11:58PM, two minutes before the ritual had to reach its crux. You knew staying up this late would leave visibly dark circles under your eyes, prompting a lecture from your uncles, but it wasn’t your fault the spell had to be done under the first harvest moon of the season at the peak of night. So you rubbed your forehead and ignored your conscience. 

 

“Okay, if you’re ready, sit right there in the center of the carpet.” 

 

Folding your legs to leave her some room, you sat cross-legged as she struck a match to light the candles in a circle counterclockwise around you. When all twelve candles were lit, she put out the match, tossing its singed remains in a nearby garbage can, turning back to face you. Talia stepped inside the circle of blazing white candles, juxtaposing herself on the floor across from you. 

 

“For this part of the spell, I memorized a chant. Don’t interrupt me unless there’s an emergency — a  _ real _ one,” she added. 

 

You closed your eyes and pretended you were floating in mid air. Talia called it astral projection, but you were pretty sure that’s just what falling asleep felt like. It wasn’t hard to summon memories of that semi-conscious state in a place so dark and quiet. Occasionally the flame of a candle would flicker in your peripheral vision, but aside from that and Talia’s whispered chant, the room was dead silent. 

 

Jerking out of your stupor to her light slap, your eyes flew open. 

 

_ “Stand up!” _ Talia hissed, pulling you to your feet. 

 

Her hands were soft, but her long fingernails dug deep into your skin, prompting you to bite your lip to keep from crying out. You did as she ordered, stumbling but not tripping over the candles behind you. Talia pulled the red thread out of her pocket, chanting faster than she had been a minute earlier as she wrapped one end around your index finger and the other around her own. It squeezed tight enough to turn your skin pale with pressure, but you didn’t have time to complain before her chant drowned out your grunt of pain. 

 

_ “String of fate, lead me to the ends of the Earth. Take me, break me, make me an extension of your will so that I may find my twin flame before the moonless day is nigh. We seek favor with the wise and mighty spirits of old, O’, Fortuna, guide me!” _

 

Abruptly, Talia snapped the string in half, the end attached to your finger falling limp against your palm. With that, the candles blow out all at once, as a wave of cold air rolled in through the open window of her room. You covered your mouth with your free hand to muffle the squeak of surprise that escaped your lips, meeting Talia’s wide eyes with your own. They had grown as big as saucers, and you knew she must be just as shocked as you were. It took several minutes of standing motionless in the dark without any concept of passing time before you came back to yourselves. The growling of your stomach broke the silence, and you felt your cheeks burn when Talia let out a snicker. 

 

“Dude, you need to get some food. C’mon, I’ll ask mom if I can come with.” 

 

She led you downstairs, walking with a bit of a spring in her step, and you followed, touching your face, hair, and clothes to make sure the spell hadn’t done anything to them. Not that you believed in magic, you reminded yourself quickly. A little too quickly. 

 

To Talia’s disappointment, Mrs. Greer firmly decided against letting her daughter go out with a friend at such a late hour. But instead of sulking about what she couldn’t change, when she leaned in to hug you, her eyes were sparkling with delight. 

 

_ “Meet me for lunch tomorrow,” _ she whispered,  _ “I’ll tell you more about the spell.”  _

 

As you descended the front steps, you saw Talia pressing her face up against the glass, flailing her arm at you like she was vigorously trying to clean the window. The picture made you giggle, and you waved back before tossing your backpack in the back seat of your car. It was cold out, and a chilly breeze caught in your scarf, making you shiver. Your stomach growled again. Dinner was starting to sound pretty good. 

 

**************

 

It came as no surprise to you that the Firework Café was bustling at such a late hour. Any place that served alcohol after dark was especially popular year round, not to mention a lot of monsters happened to be nocturnal or prefer the night, and this was one of the few establishments in the countryside that allowed them to buy liquor. 

 

That wasn’t why you were here, though, you didn’t drink. Not much, anyway. You had a bad experience with booze a year or two ago at a friend’s twenty first birthday party, and weren’t too keen on taking a rough trip down memory lane. Instead, you were hoping to sneak some extra fries from a certain fiery monster you’d befriended a couple months back. Unfortunately, there was a line ahead of you, and if you wanted to get closer, you’d have to wait. You tapped your foot impatiently, counting the seconds as the hand of the clock ticked by, bored out of your mind. 

 

That is, until you felt an intense pair of eyes burning into your back. 

 

You turned to face the front of the line, moving up to sit where the counter was, and were greeted with the drunken stare of a beefy skeletal monster. Wait. What? Blinking hard, you rubbed your face. Nope, your eyes weren’t deceiving you, there was a skeleton monster checking you out. His clothes were dirty and smeared with dark stains, and he was so drunk he hadn’t bothered to remove his jacket after coming inside. You guessed that if he had hair, it would be a tousled mess. He didn’t look exactly like a human skeleton; he was much more emotive than that. He had a skinlike mass of bone to his face around the cheeks, forehead, and a rim under his jaw so that his mouth, when closed, fully concealed his sharklike teeth. But what drew your attention right away were the two glowing red circles in the dead center of his eye sockets. 

 

They gleamed in the dark of the café as though they were lit from within, and now that you were facing him, they were focused directly on your chest. You hadn’t worn anything fancy or provocative, since most of today had been a lazy day of playing video games at Talia’s house, but you’d left your sweater in the car, and your shirt wasn’t exactly so loose that your curves weren’t visible beneath the wooly fabric. Then, suddenly, his smoking eyelights flicked up to meet your stare. You felt your face burn, unable to keep holding his gaze, and you glared down at the white tiled counter. 

 

“what’s yer name, sweetheart?”

 

His voice was a gravelly baritone, sending a host of chills up and down your spine. Whatever you had been expecting him to sound like, it definitely wasn’t that. 

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” 

 

You bit your lip, pretending to inspect a chipped cuticle, hoping he would take the hint that you were ignoring him and back off. Everything was going smoothly until you heard him snort in response. 

 

“jus’ as well, i ain’t one for small talk.” 

 

He tossed another shot back, discarding his empty glass in exchange for what looked like a fancy cocktail. You clenched your hand into a fist, knowing that ignoring him wouldn’t be enough to make him go away. 

 

“Then let’s not talk.” 

 

You heard him chuckle. It was a deep, velvety sound that made the tips of your ears turn slightly pink. Caught off guard, you glanced up and met his eyelights.

 

“i like the way you think, sweetheart” he smirked, glancing back down at your chest for several agonizing seconds. 

 

It took every ounce of restraint in your body not to get up and leave. You came here for food, and no nosy pervert was gonna stop you from getting it. 

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, I’m not interested.” 

 

Raising a brow ridge, the skeleton took another sip of his drink. Without looking up, he found just the right words to send you over the edge. 

 

“that look on yer face says otherwise,  _ doll _ .” 

 

You bristled at his familiarity, lightly slapping a hand to your cheek. It felt hot, which meant your face had probably turned bright red. That wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t help it! Guys didn’t flirt with you, period, and even if he was technically a skeleton monster, he still counted. 

 

“I’m not your ‘doll’ and you can shove a bottle of vodka up your ass for all I care, as long as you don’t touch me.” 

 

This time, a huge grin stretched across his face, showing off his rows of sharp teeth, a single golden fang standing out among them. He threw back his head and laughed a deep, throaty laugh. 

 

“damn, darlin’, ya really know how ta walk yer way into a man’s heart.” 

It didn’t take long before you caught yourself staring at him--this time, out of more than just morbid curiosity. The way the dim lights glinted off of his fang was mesmerising. And when he wasn’t talking, being around him wasn’t so bad. No, wait, you weren’t gonna fall for that move. You had to think of something to say, and fast--before he took your silence as an invitation. 

 

“Yeah? Well I don’t think you even count as a man.”

It definitely wasn’t true, in fact it was a flat out lie, but it was all you managed to blurt in time. Better than staying silent, or so you let yourself think for another split second. 

 

“s’that so, sweetheart?”

 

The skeleton raised both brow ridges, face stretching in a dangerously wide grin. He tilted his head as though waiting for your response. The idea that you were his entertainment made you grit your teeth until the grinding became almost painful. 

 

“Why are you trying to seduce me? Don’t bother, I said I wasn’t interested. And besides,” you added coyly, “you don’t even have lips.”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. Leaning in closer, his eyes burned into your own. He was so close now that you could feel his breath on your skin. It reeked of cherry and alcohol, the sweetness balanced out by a sharp tang. 

 

_ “bullshit.”  _

 

His voice reached a low growl, sounding almost primal. Reflexively, you leaned back, prompting him to follow until you were poised so that he loomed over you, his shadow crossing your body. You flushed, eyes darting rapidly as you searched for an exit. At the last moment possible, his foothold slipped, and in one fluid movement, he spilled the entire contents of his drink down the front of your shirt. You gasped in shock as the ice stung your skin, slipping in through the folds of your bra, tumbling off your seat. The skeleton saw you fall and moved to catch you, gripping your arm tightly. As his phalanges made contact with your bare skin, a searing pain erupted in your wrist, and you cried out, shoving him away instinctively. When you regained your balance, the pain subsided. 

 

“What the  _ hell _ is your problem?” 

 

The realization of what he just did hits him, and he stared at your shirt. It was dripping wet, soaked in the stench of liquor, and the fabric had become thin enough for your black bra to show through. Your cheeks reddened, and you covered your chest with your arms defensively as he extended a hand to help you. 

 

“lemme make it up to you, doll. i’ll buy you a drink.” 

 

He started forward, and you shook your head. Then, you got an idea. One that put a small, innocent smile on your face. Beaming at the skeleton as though nothing’s wrong, you felt around on the counter of the bar for a drink, closing your hand around a full glass. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got one of my own.”

 

Before he can protest, you rise to your feet, give him a wink, and then pour the contents of your glass over his head. He blinks, jaw hanging open in shock, his unfocused eyelights finding their way to your face. 

 

“Now we’re even.” 

 

You flashed him your most sincere smile, then headed straight for the restrooms. He’d have to be crazy to follow you there. 

 

*************************************************

 

Wringing your shirt dry, you wiped several stray droplets from your jeans and crumpled it up into a ball, stuffing it inside your bag. Before exiting the one-room stall, you checked your reflection in the mirror. Wow, you looked exhausted. And the huge bags under your eyes weren’t fooling anyone. You wrapped yourself in your jacket, making a mental note to thank Grillby later for fetching your sweater and backpack from the car. Letting out a huff of relief, you pushed open the door to find an unexpected visitor waiting. Your heart stopped.  _ It was him _ . The same leery skeleton monster from before stood in front of you, looking out the window as he took a puff from his cigarette. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he was lonely. 

 

Maybe you could sneak away unnoticed? Trying not to make a sound, you slowly closed the door behind you, silently cursing when it gave a loud  _ creak! _ Startled, the skeleton monster looked up, locking eyes with you once more. You bristled as his posture stiffened, turning heel before he could offer you any other words of wisdom. 

 

Heading for the back door, you brushed past a young monster couple making out in the shadows. It seemed like everyone was looking for romance tonight. That is, everyone except you. Unlike Talia, you weren’t really that interested in finding a soulmate. You did the spell because she’d asked, and you had an unfortunately exploitable weakness for her big brown puppy dog eyes. After seeing where it had gotten your parents, you weren’t really sure you believed in love anymore. That was probably why you had the uncanny ability to resist even the magical advances of monsters, including Grillby. Sure, he’d flared up his fiery charms around you once or twice, but you weren’t that easily cornered. And it didn’t help his chances that he sweet talked practically every single patron that stepped through the doors. He didn’t strike you as the type to settle down, and besides, you wouldn’t want to ruin his tactical sales ploy by sarcastically flirting back. Someone might take you seriously, and where would the fun in that be? No, you were just friends, and things were gonna stay that way. 

 

_ Speak of the devil. _ Rounding the corner, you came face to chest with the billowing purple flames of one very amused monster. You grimaced in thanks as he tossed you a bag of fries, dreading the explanation behind his smug expression. 

 

“...You sure looked like you were having fun,” he commented, flicking his lighter open and shut with a flaming fingertip.  

 

“Yeah right,” you snorted, “I’m starting to think you’re nuts for wanting attention like that from multiple strangers at once.” 

 

Grillby smirked, smoke swirling around his twirling fingers. “Funny… you really don’t get it, do you…”

 

Crossing your arms, you squinted up at him with a frown. “And what’s  _ that _ supposed to mean? Are you saying I’m dense?” 

 

Shrugging, he flicked several stray embers off of his vest. “That too…” 

 

“Gee, thanks, Grillbz. Nice to know somebody’s on my side here.” 

 

He snickered obnoxiously at your comment, shoulders shaking with the force of laughter he’d been holding back throughout the whole conversation. 

 

“It’s… that sharp tongue of yours… you wouldn’t be you without it,” he explained with a grin. “Sans… always liked to play with fire.” 

 

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you know him?” Suddenly, a bitter realization dawns on you. “Aaaaand you were watching the whole time. Why am I not surprised?” 

 

Grillby gave a guilty shrug. “...I thought you could handle him. He’s… not the most tactful,” he admitted, propping himself against the brick wall with an elbow. 

 

“You can say that again. Most of the monsters I’ve met have more self-respect in their fingertips than he has in his entire body,” you grumbled, remembering the way he stared at your chest with reckless abandon. 

The corners of Grillby’s mouth twitched upwards. “You’re… surprisingly quick to judge people you don’t know.” 

 

A gust of wind whistled through the night, stirring up the flames that crowned his head. Flecks of purple fire danced like confetti through the air, one or two landing on your face. That, coupled with the chilly breeze, made you sneeze loudly. This prompted Grillby to tilt his head, as though he only just remembered humans couldn’t regulate their body temperature at will. 

 

“...You should get out of the cold.” One look at him told you he wasn’t simply making a friendly suggestion. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” you muttered, shoving your hands in your pockets as you turned towards the parking lot. “See you some other time, Grillbz.” 

 

As you walked toward your car, you felt a shiver creep down your spine. Some primal instinct that had remained dormant until today tempted you to look back. And when you did, you thought you saw the silhouette of a skeleton leaning against the brick wall on the other side of the café. But only for a moment. You blinked, and then he was gone. 


	2. Dear Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You confide with an online friend in hopes of blowing off some steam. Little do you know, they have a host of problems of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to the following beta readers:
> 
> @funbucketburt (tumblr) / @TheFunSizedNinja (discord)
> 
> @thelazyhermits (tumblr) 
> 
> I really couldn't have finished this chapter without you! Readers are one of the strongest sources of motivation out there, and it means a lot that you guys cared about my story.   
> _____________
> 
> Progress has been pretty slow lately, due to my part time summer job as a camp counselor, but I really shouldn't make excuses. Sometimes you just hit a wall and can't write anything for a little while, and it's okay to take breaks when you need them.

When you got home, you didn’t feel tired anymore. Something about your encounters with the two monsters kept you wide awake, and you had a feeling that if you tried to go to sleep, you’d be lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling for hours. 

 

You wanted to talk to someone about the events that had transpired, but Talia was probably asleep right now. Besides, you’d see her tomorrow, so she could wait until then. Still, you needed to get this off your chest. 

 

The internet had been a lifesaver for you when you were younger. You still remembered the day after your thirteenth birthday, when your parents sat down and sternly explained that it was against the rules to talk to strangers online. 

 

They had a point; since you couldn’t see people face to face, they could be anyone, and maybe have worse intentions than a lonely kid looking for new friends. And then, the very next day, when you made your first social media account--anonymous, of course, you weren’t stupid--but your curiosity couldn’t be contained. It was too easy to imagine living in a world your parents didn’t have control over, and in your head, the pros far outweighed the cons, assuming you were careful enough. 

 

Plopping down on the couch, you cracked open your laptop and typed the web address for ChatTier into the search bar. The anonymity aspect appealed greatly to you, and it was nice to know someone else cared about you, even if they had no clue who you really were. Not to mention, the anonymous chat room was a good place to vent, it helped you get through a lot of the rough patches in this past year. But you weren’t looking for a stranger to dump your problems on, not tonight. 

 

Sure, internet friends would come and go, but there were a couple who’d stuck by you for years, and become loyal friends in the process. And of course there were people you’d only met recently, but secretly hoped you would know for a long time. Okay, so maybe it was really just  _ a _ person. 

 

Even so, you wanted to take a chance, roll the dice on the lifespan of a friendship you were confident had the potential to last a good five years. 

 

Logging into your account, you scrolled through your ChatTier contacts list until you found the name you were looking for. 

 

_ acoustic_flower has entered the chatroom.  _

_ d3fy_grav1ty has entered the chatroom.  _

 

Seeing the little red dot next to his name put a small smile on your face. Knowing he was there, waiting for you on the other side of the screen, drained all the tension out of your body. 

 

_ acoustic_flower is typing... _

 

**acoustic_flower:** hey, scar

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** hey urself, flower girl

 

You couldn’t help but blush. Ever since you changed your username, Scar hadn’t stopped teasing you. He knew all the right buttons to push. 

 

**acoustic_flower:** what’s up?

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** the sky 

 

Snorting, you rolled your eyes. Your friend’s sense of humor was pretty dry, much like his wit. But you’d warmed up to it eventually. 

 

**acoustic_flower:** ha ha, very funny. :P

**acoustic_flower:** so, how was your day? 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** eh 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** u? 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** ugh, don’t even get me started. 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** haha that bad? 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** cmon spill 

 

You hesitated. Even though you just came on here to vent, part of you wanted to hear more about his day. But something told you he’d tell you when he was ready. 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 **acoustic_flower:** when I went to grab dinner, there was this asshole in front of me who kept looking at my chest. 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** sounds like a perv 

 

Yeah, you could say  _ that _ again. 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** you don’t know the half of it. and believe me, you don’t want to. 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** try me

 

 **acoustic_flower:** at one point he was so busy staring at my boobs that he forgot he was holding a drink and spilled everything in his glass down my shirt 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** damn im sorry

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** i hate when that happens 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** that’s not even the worst of it. when I went to the bathroom to change my shirt, he followed me. i think maybe he was trying to sneak in?? drunk guys are too much 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** what a creep

 

**acoustic_flower:** I know right? 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** tell me u got revenge 

 

**acoustic_flower:** wellllll, I did tell my friend who works at the place that if he saw a pervert goggling at drunk women to charge him extra for his drink

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** nice 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** wish i couldve told him off myself

 

 **acoustic_flower:** honestly? me too. itd be nice to have some backup.

**acoustic_flower:** **but** I mean, for all I know you could be some 80 y/o guy catfishing me.

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** haha lies and slander

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** ask me anything u wanna kno

 

 **acoustic_flower:** what’s this? a rare opportunity to learn more about my one and only constant companion? 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** yeah yeah

 

 **acoustic_flower:** hmm. okay

**acoustic_flower:** tell me about your job

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** seriously?

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** thats ur big question

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** idk its just kinda weird cuz most ppl usually dont care abt that sort of thing

 

 **acoustic_flower:** yes. now answer the question before I call the police

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** haha sure u will

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** i work at a car repair shop 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** whoa really?? think you could give me a free tune-up sometime??

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** nope 

 

 **acoustic_flower:** wow. and here I thought we were friends. 

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** sorry lol i dont make the rules around here

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** if i did id b talking to u way more often and not just during my breaks

 

 **acoustic_flower:** awww, that’s so sweet! tbh I wish I could just see you in person. it’d be nice to have somebody here who gets me. 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** maybe I could visit sometime

**d3fy_grav1ty:** give that creep a piece of my mind

 

**acoustic_flower:** catch me before I swoon, my knight in shining armor

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** wow i can actually hear ur sarcasm 

 

**acoustic_flower:** haha, too much?

 

 **d3fy_grav1ty:** nah 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** its actually pretty cute

 

**acoustic_flower:** holy shit dude, you’re gonna make me blush for real 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** what can i say

**d3fy_grav1ty:** it comes naturally w/ u

 

 **acoustic_flower:** okay, after that smooth line I can’t just keep calling you “dude” all the time. I’m pretty sure we’re at least at first base by now haha 

**acoustic_flower:** got any nicknames? y’know, aside from “scar”?

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** not that i kno *shrug*

 

**acoustic_flower:** ooh, I know! how about… um… 

**acoustic_flower:** fang

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** ok ill bite

 

**acoustic_flower:** hehe, kinky

**acoustic_flower:** nah, you’re right, I still like scar better. has a nice ring to it

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** ha

**d3fy_grav1ty:** what else can i call u 

 

**acoustic_flower:** hmm. what about...

**acoustic_flower:** sky? for sky blue? 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** makes sense 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** i like it 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** but u kno what i like better

 

**acoustic_flower:** what? 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** angel

 

**acoustic_flower:** oh my god you’re serious?? are you trying to make me blush??? 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** heh maybe ;)

 

**acoustic_flower:** no way, I’m definitely not an angel 

**acoustic_flower:** oh crap it’s getting late 

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** 1am isnt that late

 

**acoustic_flower:** maybe not for you, but I have a really strict curfew.

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** technically its early

 

**acoustic_flower:** pft

**acoustic_flower:** if I don’t go to sleep right now, my uncles won’t let me hear the end of it. exams suck :/

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** yea no kidding

 

**acoustic_flower:** good night, scar! 

 

_ acoustic_flower has disconnected. _

 

**d3fy_grav1ty:** night angel 

 

_ d3fy_grav1ty has disconnected.  _

_ The chat room is now empty. _

 

You were tired, but something was nagging at the back of your mind. To ease your doubts about the ritual, you decided to watch a couple cooking videos. Watching people bake cakes, cookies, and other sweet goodies reminded you of all the time you spent with your grandma. The nostalgic scent of chocolate chip cookies washed over you, sending a pang through your heart. She was the only one who really, truly understood you, and died years ago. You had forgotten how much you missed her warm smiles and tough love. 

 

Tough love. 

 

Yeah, that sounded good right about now. And you knew  _ exactly _ where you could find it. 

 

Shutting off the computer, you decided changing into your pajamas wasn’t worth the two-dollar fee to wash extra clothes at the laundromat. Money was everything right now, and you couldn’t afford to waste even a little. You’d rather sleep in your clothes for a couple nights than go broke. 

 

Settling down in your creaky bed, you leaned into your pillow as you scrolled through your phone. 

 

And there it was, the latest edition of Marbella Magazine’s advice column. Dragging a finger down the webpage, a soft smile spread across your face when you found what you were looking for. 

 

_ Dear Miss Meriwether _ , the first letter read,  _ It seems all I want to do is sleep lately. How do I stop being so tired? _

 

Shifting to focus better, you propped yourself up on one elbow. This wasn’t a letter you’d sent in yourself, but it was definitely relevant, and you were pretty glad someone else thought to ask. 

 

_ Dear Sleepless in Seattle _ , the response began. You snorted. It wasn’t hard to appreciate Miss Meriwether’s sense of humor when you had the same taste in romcoms. 

 

_ People don’t feel tired for no reason. There’s most likely a cause behind your need to sleep, and I think it has to do with the fact that you want to sleep. If it’s a conscious desire, then there’s a chance you have something on your mind, and are trying to sleep it off.  _

_ Often times people with mental illnesses such as depression, or people under severe amounts of stress, seek out solace in the shape of sleep. They can see it as a much-needed escape from their everyday problems, and when life is mentally, physically, or emotionally exhausting to the point that someone is unable to function properly, that comes as no surprise.  _

_ Try drinking water during the intervals you’re awake, staying hydrated is one way to alleviate grogginess and it will help you push through the day. If the problem persists, look into therapy and other types of counseling, or schedule a check-up with your doctor to make sure you’re not dealing with a worsening medical condition. It might be hard to hear, but the best way to find the root of your problems is to push your limits. That way, you can find out what works and what doesn’t as quickly as possible, and work towards overcoming your fatigue.  _

 

Blunt and concise, a well-constructed response. Almost word-for-word the same advice you’d expect from your grandmother. Or maybe a hardened career woman who didn’t take shit from anyone. Although, you had to admit, this particular reply hit close to home. It was hard not to be tired when you were dealing with what might be a complicated emotional stressor like depression, on top of barely scraping by. 

 

_ Dear Miss Meriwether, my boss and I share an office, and they only ever want to talk about sports. How do I stay engaged in the conversation when I have no clue what they're talking about? _

 

Hmm, interesting enough, but not exactly what you were looking for. 

 

You continued scrolling.

 

_ Dear Miss Meriwether, after moving, my best friend and I are drifting further and further apart. I want to keep up my friendship, but I don't know how! What is the best way to get back a friend you're losing? _

……………………..

_ Dear Drifting Away, unfortunately, growing apart from friends after physical distance is put between you is normal. While it’s possible to maintain an online friendship with your friend, it’s safe to say your relationship isn’t going to be the same. You might not be as close as you used to, but if you communicate with them in a clear and direct manner, you won’t lose the progress you’ve made in your friendship.  _

_ Losing interest looks different online. Sometimes people don’t respond as quickly or as often because they’re busy with other things in their lives, but still make the effort to talk to their friends. Think of the internet like an ocean; the tide of communication between you is going to ebb and flow, and that’s perfectly natural. My advice? Take things one day at a time. And let your friendship evolve or regress into whatever it needs to be in order to keep it alive.  _

 

It was so easy to imagine Miss Meriwether as a sweet, little, tough-as-nails old woman dishing out advice like helpings of pecan pie at Thanksgiving. She spoke with such confidence and poise as though she’d been weathered by many years of experience, and you were always sure she knew what she was talking about. 

 

_ Dear Ms. Meriwether, I have a friend that I unintentionally hurt a few days ago. When I try to talk about it privately, she doesn’t respond, but she acts like nothing happened between us in group conversations. I feel like she's uncomfortable with me, and I'm worried that she doesn't like me anymore. I’m scared to talk about it to her, what should I do? _

……………..

_ Dear Lost in Translation, I understand that right now, you’re probably feeling eager to make amends. But the best thing for the both of you is to spend some time apart, and reflect on your actions. If you come to the conclusion that you’re the one at fault, give her some room to breathe. When she’s ready to talk to you again privately, she’ll approach you directly.  _

_ Be patient and understanding. Prove to her that this is a bump in the road and nothing more, that it won’t affect your friendship if she needs her space. Showing mindfulness in this situation will provide a stark contrast from your less careful actions in the past, and demonstrate how much you care about sustaining the connection you have.  _

 

Feeling warm inside, you decided to stay awake for a little bit longer. Just one more would be enough. 

 

_ Dear Miss Meriwether, I just moved to a new city for work and I'm a little overwhelmed with the huge change. Do you have any tips on adjusting to a new environment? What are some good ways to establish connections? _

 

Your drooping eyelids pricked to attention. 

 

Wait… it couldn’t be… the letter you sent in?! 

 

Holy shit, no  _ way _ were you gonna pass up the opportunity to read this! Clutching the pillow to your chest, you fought back the temptation to squeal in excitement. 

 

_ In all honesty, I can relate to your predicament. A couple weeks back, I moved into a new town after living in one place my whole life. Adjusting hasn’t been easy, but people around here seems nice enough. The easiest way I can think of to make friends is through work. Try talking to your co-workers, find out their likes, dislikes, common interests, and shared beliefs.  _

_ Wherever you go, there’s always somebody you’ll get along with, so don’t give up if you don’t meet them on your first day. If I can manage in an unfamiliar environment, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to thrive. Stay positive, keep your head up, and you’ll be fine.  _

 

You blinked in disbelief. You hadn’t been expecting such a heartfelt response from someone with a reputation for dishing out the harsh but helpful truths of life. 

 

Maybe this was exactly what you needed to hear. 

 

* * *

 

 

Sans arched back against his chair, stretching in place for a few moments before he bothered to exit the chat room. “What a woman,” he muttered under his breath, rubbing the nape of his spinal cord. 

 

It wasn’t a secret that humans were capable of violence and brutality. But Sans was no stranger to either of those things, and it took something unexpected to knock him off balance. 

 

That’s where you came in. 

 

Even when bad shit happened, you stood up and brushed it off like a champ. Now  _ that _ was a quality in humans he could admire, especially since it took some real guts to willingly put yourself into situations like that knowing what might happen. 

 

There was no denying it; Sans was absolutely smitten. 

 

Sure, he’d only known you for a couple months, and he’d never even seen your face, but the conversations you had together stretched out, spanning over decades, and he felt like he’d known you for years. You were his friend, his confidante, his flower girl, but most importantly, someone who saw more than just a big scary monster when you talked to him--how was he  _ not _ supposed to fall for you? 

 

Many times he’d thought about asking you to meet him somewhere for coffee, but he was afraid making advances now would ruin the easygoing, stress-free dynamic you two had going. And besides, you probably didn’t even live in the same city. 

 

Asking you on a date only to find out you lived on the other side of the country might just be enough to shatter his cold, hardened soul.  So, he kept his feelings to himself, and put on a sunny attitude. It wasn’t hard to do with you around. 

 

He couldn’t sleep. Not now, when his mind was racing, and his soul was pounding like a jackhammer between his ribs. 

 

Things had started off bumpy, to say the least. 

 

If waking up in his house on the hard wooden floor next to his bed with no memory of the past few hours and a wicked blackout hangover weren’t enough, the smell of burnt wool and leather filled the air, telling him he’d overstayed his welcome at Grillby’s--for the fifth time this week. 

 

Wincing, Sans removed his worn black jacket, holding it up to the dim lamp in the corner of his room. Sure enough, a crackling handprint was right where he’d been shoved. Tendrils of purple smoke billowed up towards the ceiling, dissipating when they crossed the window’s threshold into the cool night air. He’d gotten worse. Grillby must’ve been feeling especially generous towards him tonight. 

 

Talking to you had calmed him down a great deal, enough to take his singed clothing in stride. Normally, he would’ve been furious enough at himself to punch a hole in the wall, which in turn would earn him an earful--and a fistful--from Papyrus. As bad days went, he figured what you dealt with was probably worse than the stuff he didn’t even remember. 

 

He liked to think that if he’d been there with you, he would’ve stepped in and told off that asshole for staring at your chest. Hell, he’d pretend to be your boyfriend if the guy was really persistent. Although, deep down, he didn’t want to admit that he already thought he had a shot. 

 

With a sigh, Sans opened his email and pulled up a blank document. Even if it took him all night, or at least until four in the morning, he needed to finish his latest assignment. Right now, with a new boss and new living arrangements, he wasn’t in a position to start slacking. 

 

After all, this week’s edition of Miss Meriwether’s advice column wasn’t going to write itself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of the plot twists about our mysterious skeleton friend? Did they surprise you? Were they in character despite being the exact opposite of what you expected from him? I'm dying to know what you think! ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me your thoughts! Did you like this chapter? What about it would you like to see more of in future chapters? What crazy adventure should the reader go on next?


End file.
